it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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