Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
