Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
