She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
