So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
