then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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