There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
