Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
