I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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