Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
