thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
