I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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