I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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