Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
