Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
