We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
