big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
