hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
