Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
