Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
