they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You ruined the universe
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
