: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
