Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
