just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
