Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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