where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
