and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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