Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
