good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
