First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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