3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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