Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
