I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
