Swine flu is the new snow day.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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