I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
