So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
