My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
