And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
