it's like iHOP with fire
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
