the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
