i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
