How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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