Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm like, not good at living.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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