I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
