he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
