Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
