I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
