this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
