found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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