I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
