I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
