He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she peed on how many people?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
