I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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