I just saw a hot homeless man
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
