His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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