May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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