1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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